Updated: Nov 28, 2021
Holidays and traditions are centered around interaction with groups. Gathering, uniting, and sharing with others is not always the joy and jubilee it is intended to be. Interacting with groups can bring up uncomfortable memories and our wounds, primarily the deepest wound we experience as human beings, rejection.
Whatever these group interactions entail odds are either you or someone you know has experienced anxiousness or even dread around them and it can make that person feel alone or even like something is wrong with them. We’re here to say it is not true and you are certainly not alone in these experiences.
Being in situations with people that make you feel uncomfortable but you also cannot physically separate yourself from do not have to be self-sacrificing or combative. You do not have to live in the suffering of guilt. And you do not have to experience a disempowered state when they come up.
What makes these events so uncomfortable is that they drain us of our power, but realizing this can also be your gateway into healing. Here are some tips for staying in your personal power over the holidays.
1. Be honest with yourself
If you are reading this you are being honest with yourself and how you feel and that is the biggest and hardest step for many, so you are already ahead of the game. Pay attention to how you feel throughout time is important.
Being honest with how you feel before and after an event can shed some light on how relationships unfold. Did I go into this angry thinking I was going to be attacked? Was I not able to be myself and that made me feel disconnected?
Accept people where they are and that you do not have the power to change them. You only have the power to change your thoughts, behaviors, and perspective of what is going on. This in itself can be empowering when you recognize that acceptance is also an air of peace. Sometimes we have to surrender to what is for the sake of our own sanity and insanity after all if forcing change on those things we have no control over. Acceptance is- I see the situation and I choose to focus my attention on what I actually have control over.
3. Drop expectations
Overthinking is a big part of anxiety. Running through past and potential scenarios or how things ‘should’ look can be debilitating and personally, its usually my sign im about to go down a road that’s destined to give me a flat tire. Our brain doesn’t know the difference between what we are thinking and what is actually happening. Not having expectations for the event or harshly judging yourself if it doesn’t go as planned can save you later.
Also, this can keep you clear of black or white thinking, that things will be catastrophe and result in our deepest fears coming true or on the other side that everyone is going to be acting out of a Hallmark movie.
4. Zoom Out
Keep that internal observer on that does not judge, you do not have to process anything in the moment, and your higher self will not let you see anything it is not ready to see but you might realize things you haven’t before that can put future you at ease. Maybe this person attacks everyone and not just you, or you can see they are doing something when they themselves are feeling uncomfortable. Guilt in particular is projected when someone is feeling vulnerable themselves.
5. Be prepared
Returning to a childhood home, seeing people who you have not seen in a while and have a different perspective of you can be deeply upsetting especially when you have done so much work to heal and grow. If you are prepared as in- things might happen that bring me back in time, you already have a strong intention to not be swayed by the dynamic.
Coming from this place of being prepared for anything and dropping the expectations you are more likely to not match people’s potentially toxic energy. Meeting people with a will to understand and be present can really shape relations and in the mean time show you how much power you actually have over your reality.
6. Lean on consciousness
You already posses the most important tool to deal with unsettling dynamics- your consciousness. You do not have to like or agree with anything going on. You do not have to take anyone’s abuse either. You are simply choosing to be conscious and show up for yourself, and what that looks like will be complexly individual. However, it is being in situations that bring us to act out of character (unconscious) that brings about those feelings of powerlessness, guilt and shame later on.
It is when we slip into those nervous responses that we begin to feel we are in danger. Panic sets in, time feels eternal, and our innate survival can literally feel at stake. Part of being conscious (which is present with yourself) could be bringing something with you to anchor you into that consciousness. A supportive person, object, or doing a personal practice beforehand can help you ground. It is when we feel that we are disconnecting from ourselves that we start to believe we are unsafe.
You may very well be shown the pathways of the uncomfortable feelings you need to further your healing journey. Go into these encounters with the knowing you are safe and time will pass. It may feel foreign at fist but like everything else over time- this is how you retrieve your power, by watching YOURSELF evolve. Nothing comes close to it. We wish you the absolute best in your healing journey this holiday season.